Stan the Submarine Man

So let me go back to last week when I first arrived at my best friend Jennifer’s house. Jennifer, for those who don’t know, lived across the street from me for three years while we were stationed in England. She was the first girl I got drunk with and that’s how I learned that I’m a very chatty drunk.

Guess what Jennifer had waiting for me at her house?



She knows me well. She knows that I love A) giant cookies and B) lots of frosting. And true, it wasn’t really my birthday but she was celebrating it a week later since she couldn’t be with me on my real birthday.

We went out to The Cheesecake Factory that night and let me tell you, The Cheesecake Factory has a lot to offer. First they give you a book as a menu. I’m not kidding. It’s pages and pages of delicious food. You hardly know where to begin.



I ended up getting the white chili because I love white chili and can’t make it a lot at home because Tom says white chili tastes funky. The white chili at The Cheesecake Factory, I’m proud to say, does not taste funky.

We also ordered dessert because you can’t go to The Cheesecake Factory and NOT order dessert. It’s like, against the law or something.

I got the strawberry shortcake.



And it was amazing.

Then the next day we went to a museum where there was a Titanic exhibit set up. Of course I had to see that. I’ve always been interested in the Titanic, even before the movie came out. Granted, when the movie came out I saw it like 7 times. That’s like nearly an entire day gone from my life because I had to sit and watch Leonardo Dicaprio scream, “I’m the king of the world!” I blame it on my age. I was like 16 when the movie came out so I didn’t know any better. This is why I forgive the teens who go to see those Twilight movies over and over again. I want to say, “It’s okay, you’ll grow out of it,” because if they don’t, they’ll end up like the Crazy Twilight Lady who lives on my street. No matter that she’s in her 30s and goes on and on about Taylor Lautner’s abs. Because that’s totally not disturbing.

Anyhow, no photos were allowed in the exhibit. But we did get these photos:





It was amazing to see all the artifacts that they found.

After that we got to see the rest of the museum.

I became an alien:





And Jennifer got on the news. Some shark wouldn’t piss off and leave her alone.

Then there was a space section and I got totally inappropriate and pretended I was taking a giant poo on the space toilet they had set up.



I sure set an example for children, let me tell you.

I’m sure the parents in there loved me.

Jennifer and her family went off to space.



And then they came back and we played in the water section of the museum.





While they were playing with the water, I found a new boyfriend.



His name is Stan the Submarine Man.

Handsome, no?

I love his arms and the way the yellow in his suit brings out his eyes.