My Dear Letters

Here are a some letters I wish I could send....

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Dear Natalie,

Yes, I know you love the movie Tangled and was thrilled to see that they now make fruit snacks with characters from the movie. But darling, please don’t ever shout “TANGLED!” in the middle of the store again. You scared me to death. You know you have a jumpy mother.

Signed,
A-Very-Jittery,
Amber

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Dear Snow,

Go away.

Signed,
A-Not-A-Fan-Of-Shoveling-It,
Amber

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Dear Tommy,

No more Justin Bieber songs, okay? If you start singing that awful baby song again, I’m going to lose it. Remember, we only listen to quality music in this house.

Signed,
A-Not-A-Bieliber,
Amber

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Dear Gas Prices,

Stop rising! I may have a hybrid, but still. My husband has a gas guzzling truck. This nonsense about gas being $4.00 a gallon by the summer does not amuse me.

Signed,
A-Would-Like-To-Have-Money-Leftover-For-Fun-Summery-Stuff,
Amber

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Dear People Who Still Refuse To Use Their Turn Signals,

Why? Seriously, why? Is it really that difficult to flick your wrist to show other cars what you are doing? It takes less than a second.

Signed,
A-You-Do-Know-You-Annoy-Everyone-On-The-Road-By-NOT-Using-Your-Signal,
Amber

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Dear Grey’s Anatomy,

I hear there will be a musical episode coming up? Why? I think I’ll be passing on that episode because watching McDreamy singing about aneurysms and heart attacks? Not my idea of fun. However, if it were John Krasinski....

Signed,
If-I-Want-To-Watch-People-Break-Out-Into-Song-I’d-Watch-Glee,
Amber

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Dear Words With Friends,

Stop giving me all vowels. Or no vowels. It’s rude. I’d like a nice variety, thanks, so the person I’m playing against doesn’t think I’m a moron who can only spell words like “egg” or “ion.”

Signed,
An-I-Really-Can-Spell-Bigger-Words,
Amber

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Dear syndicated Sex and the City episodes on E!,

You are not the same. I repeat: you are NOT the same. The show needs profanity and simulated sex scenes in order to be believable. Or maybe that’s just for my perverted mind.

Signed,
A-Missing-My-Husband-And-Sex-Scenes-Are-All-I-Currently-Have,
Amber