Here's A Question

I have an important question to ask.

*Takes a deep breath*

Do people really wear their sweaters like this?

(Photo is from the movie Hall Pass.)

But really.

Usually when people wear their sweaters in that fashion it means they are pompous brats.

At least that's how movies and television portrays people who wear sweaters like that.

Please tell me there are NICE people who tie their sweaters around their neck.

(Though I still don't completely get it. If I'm going to get cold later I sling a coat over my arm. Or put on the sweater to begin with.)

(But that's just me.)

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

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To have not watched the VMAs on MTV like it seemed my entire Twitter feed was doing.



To want to try a Brazilian Blowout for my hair even though it sounds a little scary.



To still not like working out but I’m making myself do it.



To be baffled that there are kids who are suing their parents for not buying them toys. Um, what?



To need to get my eyebrows done. There should be two.



To be glad that it’s supposed to cool down for Labor Day. These triple digit temperatures can get wearing.



To love candied yams so much. Especially when there are melted marshmallows on top.


To really need to make a button for this meme and a linky. Who makes good buttons and what linky should I use?



To be looking for a specific World War 2 print for my husband Tom. It’s called A Higher Call by John Shaw. If anyone sees it being sold, please let me know. I’ve looked online and it’s sold out everywhere. .

The Ball Plant

Remember this plant?

I asked awhile back if it was a weed.

The general consensus was that it WAS a weed.

I stink at gardening so I wasn’t sure. I wouldn’t even have a garden if it weren’t for base housing insisting that everyone have one.

They really ought to make it optional. “Garden with every house…except to the people who kill plants.”

That’s me.

I kill plants.

Not on purpose, mind you.

It’s just, if it can’t shout at me that it’s hungry like my children do, I forget about it.

It’s why my Mom bought me a singing flower pot. When the plant needs water, it sings. Granted, it startled me the first time it went off. I thought a man had broken into the home and started singing a song. (I know. Weird. But I thought it was like The Singing Burglar or something.)

Anyway, I decided I needed to get rid of the weed. I didn’t want to be written up for a messy garden.

So I marched outside, prepared to tug the thing from the ground.

It didn’t work.

I pulled and nothing happened.

Look, I know I’m weak but surely I could pull up a WEED.

Only I couldn’t.

I had both my palms wrapped around the weed and it refused to budge. I swore a couple of times. My neighbors probably deem me as inappropriate.

At one point I peeked down at the root, wondering if it would ever come out and I saw balls.

Well.

Not REAL balls.

But close enough.

“Stupid ball plant,” I muttered and stomped in the house.

I proceeded to forget about the plant until Tom came home.

He managed to pull out the dreaded ball plants.
They will forever be known as ball plants to me now.

If someone asks me about it in their garden I’ll be like, “Oh, you have a ball plant. Awful, aren’t they?”

She'll Never...

For starters, she cried on the very first day of class.

And then she latched herself onto my leg.

I tried to pry her fingers from around my knee but she has a strong grasp.

Her teacher had to coax her in and even then, Natalie sniffled unhappily.

For the next class Natalie reluctantly went in but danced to the beat of her own drum. She'd be off in the corner shaking her butt and the teacher would have to call her back to the class.

"Natalie," she'd say. "First position."

I watched Natalie through the window that is set up to observe the kids. She said, "I don't like the first position."

I sighed.

Natalie, my darling daughter, would never be a prima ballerina.

But that's fine. Look what went on with Natalie Portman in Black Swan.

The thing is, when Natalie (my Natalie, not Natalie Portman) does what she is told, she does it well. She'll do the first, second, third and fourth positions. She'll spin around the room. But then she'll be like, "I'm over the ballet moves. Time to boogie," and her butt will start wagging again.

Other kids do this too though. That makes me feel a little better. The class is for 3-5 year olds. And 3-5 year olds don't have the greatest attention span.

They are doing a recital for a retirement home in December.

I can only hope that Natalie doesn't try to shake her butt at the over 55 crowd.

Inside Natalie's Closet

It’s no secret that I love to buy my children clothes.

So every once in awhile I’ll post an entry with their latest outfit.



The following was Natalie’s first day of PreK outfit.




Yup. From Gymboree.

And yes, she insisted on the cat purse.



She’s like, “What should I call him?”



She ended up calling him, “Meow.”



But then she thought it over and was like, “I want to call him Kitty.”

And weirdly, then she did this.




We switched to another outfit.



Natalie blew a violent kiss.

And then did some poses.










She found a piece of grass and wanted to keep it. I said no. Mainly because said grass winds up torn all over my floor.



So she posed some more.





I really like this shot:



I entered it in The Children’s Place photo contest but they denied it. Apparently the kids HAVE to be in their clothes.

Rude.

Gymboree, you need to have a photo contest!

Elliptical Drop Out

When I told Tommy I was going to start working out, he laughed.

Hard.

Then he went, “But you hate that. Didn't you say working out was akin to being friends with Teresa from Real Housewives of New Jersey?"

Okay. So he didn't say that last part. (It's still true though.)

But he was right about the first part.

I hate working out.

But I’d like lean legs again. And to not have to grunt to pull my pants up. It’s not attractive. Sometimes I’ll be doing that and Natalie will overhear me and shout, “Say excuse me, Mommy,” because she thinks I’ve farted.

It also doesn’t help that there is a mother at Natalie’s PreK class who is skinny as a stick. Plus, she recently had a baby. The last baby I had was 4 years ago. Why don’t I have genetics that allow me to drop all the weight after I’ve given birth? (It could be my love for chocolate too…)

I decided to check out the gym on base when both kids were in school. Forcing myself to go to a gym is not easy. And, I didn’t even know what I should wear. I almost walked out of the house in flip flops. FLIP FLOPS! Then I realized as I sat behind the wheel that you can’t work out in flip flops. So I came back in and pulled on some sneakers.

I felt awkward at the gym as though everyone could tell I didn’t belong.

“She hasn’t worked out in years!” I imagined the buff guy lifting weights shouting.

“She looks lost,” the girl on the elliptical would chime in. Totally not out of breath. I always marvel at the people who can speak normally while working out. My voice comes out in puffs. "I'm.........go.....gonn......gonna.....d....d....die..."

I felt lost. Should I do the elliptical? Or the bike? If I got on the bike, I’d be able to sit. But then my legs would feel like they might break off. The elliptical burns more calories. But what if I get so tired that I fall off?

I chose the elliptical. Mainly because I felt ridiculous just standing there. Most people who go to the gym have a purpose.

“Hello,” I said to the guy beside me.

He didn’t respond.

Rude.

Then I realized he had earphones in his ears and he was listening to music.

MUSIC!

I forgot music.

Oh well. I’d focus on other things. Like non-jiggly thighs.

Five minutes into the work out I felt like I wanted to die. Sweat was dripping off my forehead. I gazed around the room in astonishment. Why didn’t anyone else look like they were about to keel over?

Then I realized I forgot my water.

My mouth got dry. I worried I was going to pass out in the middle of the floor. Would people help? Or would they not even notice because they were busy listening to music? Would people just be like, “Oh, sweet, a free elliptical,” and calmly step over me?

I did the elliptical for ten minutes. I couldn’t go any longer than that. Then I found a water fountain and slurped at it in a very unladylike manner. I felt like a horse. A woman walked past me and did a double take as water dripped from the lower half of my face.

I left after that.

I mean, I had no music.

No water.

And my legs already felt like they wanted to break off.

“I’ll get better,” I mumbled to myself. “The first day is always the worst.”

Please tell me it gets better.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

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To not be surprised that Kate + 8 was cancelled. All it showed was the kids going somewhere or getting MORE stuff for free.



To love most of the drinks that experts say you should avoid since they contain over 1000 calories. Oops.



To hope I can go for a consultation on Lasik. I’m leaning towards ClearSight since it has fabulous reviews.



To think the DVR was the greatest invention. Ever. I mean, after electricity of course.



To really want to eat at Hell’s Kitchen. I’ve said this before but I think I’d crack up over Gordon yelling. Plus, you don’t totally starve. You have a bread basket. I’ll just load up on carbs and watch the show.



To love my pizza spicy. I add crushed red pepper and drops of tobasco sauce to mine. It’s even rumored that spicy foods help your metabolism.



To worry about Tommy’s spelling. It’s atrocious. I always said I didn’t want kids who didn’t know the difference between your and you’re.



To hate when all I get in the mail are bills.



To not have a fall/winter/spring/summer wardrobe. It’s all clothes. And they all stay in my closet. I don’t change much up aside for long sleeve vs. short sleeve. Does that make me boring? Or practical?

It's Confession Time

I have a confession.

It’s ridiculous, really.

Most people will be like, “Uh, really?”

But.......





I don’t like driving on Interstates. Or highways. All the vehicles freak me out. Like REALLY freak me out.

In Wyoming, I didn’t have to worry about them much.

In Oklahoma…

…that’s a different story.

Lucky for me, I managed to find ways to get to places without going on the Interstate. And most of the areas I frequent don’t even require getting on one.

But on Friday, my luck ran out.

See, my best friend Jennifer is in Oklahoma visiting her family. She called and asked if I wanted to meet her downtown.

Lucky for me, I knew how to get downtown without getting on the Interstate so I agreed.

Tom was taking Tommy out to the new Transformers movie (it was showing in the base theater—it’s cheaper there but the seating usually sucks and the floor is always sticky—still, for 3 bucks a ticket, beggars can’t be choosers…)

This meant I had to take Natalie with me.

I was nervous because I had only been to the area once and it was when my Mom was doing the driving. I knew it was a straight shot down a street so I did that—and then I saw the signs for road closed again.

I kept driving.

Lalala, surely the signs don’t apply to me.

The signs DID apply to me.

There were barriers all over up ahead. For a brief second I thought about driving through them and pretend I was in an action movie. But then I saw Natalie in the backseat and knew I couldn’t risk hurting her.

I knew I had to go on the Interstate.

“It’s fine,” I breathed, pulling out my GPS. “It’s just the Interstate. Charlie Sheen probably drives on the Interstate. If he can do it, so can I.”

My GPS cheerfully told me to get on I-40 like it was no big deal.

I was gripping the wheel so hard my knuckles were white.

Sweat was beginning to form on my brow.

“What are you doing?” Natalie demanded. She knows I don’t like the Interstate. Her eyes went wide when she saw me driving towards the entry.

“Mommy has to go here,” I said. “Mommy hopes we don’t die.”

You know I like a person if I go on the Interstate for them.

I really like Jennifer so Interstate it was. Plus, I hadn’t had any girl time since I last saw her in New York City in May. I haven’t really met anyone here.

I was so nervous being on the Interstate that I got off on the wrong exit.

Still, the GPS helped me find my way even though I made the snotty lady on the GPS go, “Recalculating,” in this rude voice. It’s like, you know what GPS? Recalculate this (and then my middle finger goes up.) (Only I didn’t do this because Natalie was in the back.)

I made it downtown in one piece. I was a little shaky, but I was glad I survived.

I ended up having a good time and Natalie really liked playing with Jennifer’s daughter.

Driving on the Interstate at night was a tad scary, but I figured it out.

Would I say my phobia of the Interstate has been cured?

Not really.

You’ll still see me trying to find back roads to avoid the Internet.

But at least I know I can do it.

If I absolutely cannot avoid them.

Guest Post: Simple Solutions to Life's Everyday Annoyances

Simple Solutions to Life’s Everyday Annoyances


We’ve all been there – enjoying the day one minute, and cursing our luck the next. The most irritating things always seem to happen when we have the least amount of time to deal with them, and often no clue what to do. Keep calm and carry on! Here we present a list of simple solutions to everyday annoyances so that the next time life tries to throw you a curveball, you can think back to this post and throw one right back.

A few things you should always keep on hand:
· Lemons
· Vinegar
· Peanut Butter
· Old cotton t-shirt
· Newspaper

Last night’s supper just exploded in the microwave – A dirty microwave might be an eyesore but it really isn’t as tough to clean as you might think. Combine the juice of one lemon and a couple of cups of water in a microwave safe container and microwave on high for about 3 minutes. Let things sit for another 5 minutes before opening the door – you’ll be greeted by the scent of fresh lemon and previously stuck on grime will easily wipe off. Dirty microwave no more!

Amber’s microwave after the hotdog incident

You forgot towels in the washing machine, and now they smell like crap – Musty towels are horrible. No matter how many times you wash them or what temperature water you use, the smell always seems to creep back after a few days. I had tried everything short of throwing the towels out to deal with the problem when I came across a solution that actually works – ammonia & vinegar. Throw your mildew-y laundry in the machine and wash as usual, adding equal amounts of ammonia and vinegar to the rinse cycle. Dry on the hottest setting possible or leave your towels out in the sun for at least 6 hours and things should smell as good as new.


That piece of gum from the bottom of your shoe is now stuck to the carpet – There are a few different methods that work pretty well for removing gum that has taken up residence in your carpet. The first and probably best-known involves ice; put some in a baggie, freeze the gum and chip away at it with a dull knife. The second method requires a bit more elbow grease but can be more effective; smear the spot with peanut butter and gently slide the gum off the fibers. Of course, now you’ll have to deal with a little PB in your carpet, but most people will agree that’s a bit easier to deal with. Some dish detergent and a bit of vinegar should take that right out.

The brand new mirror you just bought had the price tag stuck right in the middle, and now you can’t get the sticky stuff off – I often wonder who makes the decision to stick price tags on the glass part of a mirror, instead of on the back - it makes no sense! Luckily, these few tricks make it pretty easy to remove. Before trying anything else, grab a pencil eraser and rub away at the residue for a few minutes. This works great on some plastic surfaces but not so well on others. If this doesn’t help, heat the sticky stuff with a blow-dryer for a few minutes and then apply some baby oil. A few good rubs and you should be sticker free. If you’re STILL stuck with marks, pour some vinegar on the spot and let it sit overnight or purchase some Goo Be Gone and let it soak. These last two options might take a little more time but require the least amount of effort in the end!

You start folding your freshly dried laundry only to realize a rogue tissue got washed as well – There really isn’t a quick fix for this one, but you don’t have to sit and pick the pieces off all day long. Remove the big chunks, put the clothes back through the rinse cycle and dry as usual. Anything remaining should come right off with a few good shakes.

A perfect white circle marks the spot on your wooden dresser where last night’s tea was forgotten – Or, if you’re like me, in a rush to get out the door you ironed your shirt on a towel on the kitchen table and left full iron marks on the wood. Regardless of how they got there, those white stains come right off with an iron and an old cotton t-shirt. Set the iron to a medium heat and turn on the steam, cover the stain with the shirt and slowly rub over the spot for 15 seconds (don’t let the iron sit still or you’re in for bigger problems). Remove the shirt and viola, a stain free table.

Your fridge smells like something died inside – Smelly fridges can be an everyday annoyance or an ongoing thing. There are a couple things you can do to keep foul food smells out of your kitchen. The first thing you can do is to keep an opened box of baking soda inside the fridge, which will quickly absorb bad smells and it lasts for quite a while. If you’ve been noticing an odor for a little while now though and nothing in your fridge is to blame, the culprit might be the drip tray, located below most modern fridges. Follow these directions to remove and clean the tray, and banish that nasty smell.

No matter how many times you Windex the mirror it’s still streaky – This can be so frustrating, especially if you have guests coming over and want things to pristine. Instead of using a name brand cleaner, combine 2 parts water and 1 part vinegar in a bottle, spray on your glass and wipe off with newspaper or coffee filters. The textures of these two materials remove streaks with hardly any effort and leave your windows and mirrors squeaky clean.

I hope that the next time you’re forced to deal with any of life’s little annoyances you’ll remember these simple solutions and won’t let anything get in the way of your day!


This guest post was brought to you by Jessica from PartSelect, Appliance Parts retailer and complete online resource for the do-it-yourself repair market.

The Chocolate Tower

I felt stuffed.

Clearly, I shouldn’t have gone for all those desserts.

But they all looked so good! Golden Corral has fabulous desserts.

And the chocolate tower....

“Mommy? Can I get this? I love him.” Natalie reached over and plucked a stuffed lion from the shelf at Wal-Mart. She hugged it to her chest. It was the fifth toy she had picked up, hugged, and proclaimed that she loved it.

“No more toys,” I reminded her. After all, her room is filled with toys. Where will anything go when it’s Christmas? It’s hard to make her get rid of things. Because naturally she’ll hug all of THOSE toys and go, “I love this! I can’t say goodbye!” I remind her that there are kids who have nothing and don’t we want to give those kids toys? And then she nods and hands me a block. “For the kids,” she’ll say generously.

Man, I really need to take her to a homeless shelter or something. So she can appreciate everything she has. So she’ll understand that a block isn’t going to cut it.

“Say goodbye to the lion,” I told Natalie, taking it from her arms.

“Goodbye lion,” she said dramatically. She even gave a sigh. Then her eyes brightened when she saw a baby Rapunzel doll from the movie Tangled. “Mommy!” she yelped. “Can I get this? I LOVE her!”

Ugh. Bringing her into the toy section is a bad idea. But if I don’t, then the entire time we’re at the store she’s like, “Toys? Toys? Are we looking at the toys? I’d really like to look at the toys. When will we see the toys?”

It’s why I like to shop when she’s in school.

But I was at Wal-Mart with Tom—it still feels odd to write it—Tom, my husband, who was in Korea for a year—and we wanted to look at the grills.
But before we could look at grills, we had to look at toys.

“Mommy! Look! It’s Snow White! Can I get her? I LOVE her!” Natalie breathed. She even pressed a palm over her mouth as though seeing a plastic version of Snow White was the best thing she’d ever seen in her life.

Eventually, we were able to get away from the toys and went to the section where the grills were. Tom prefers charcoal grills, as do I. He was flipping through the instructions on the display because some grills want you to put together EVERYTHING. And while Tom is a wonderful handyman, even he has his limits. (But seriously, screwing together one handle bar is a bit much…)

After the grills (we didn’t buy one yet) we went to check out—but we had to stop because Natalie saw a display of Angry Birds toys and got excited.

“Bad birds! I want to hug a Bad bird!” Natalie yelped.

Yes. Even though we’ve told her over and over that it’s Angry birds, she insists on calling them Bad birds.

After all the (bad) birds were hugged, we were able to leave.

And I still felt huge.

But…

Tell me, could you turn this down?

Don't Ban The Sweets!

“Now, when it’s Natalie’s birthday, I can bring cupcakes right?” I asked her teacher. This was a serious question. I believe all kids should have cupcakes—or cake—on their birthday. And not healthy cake either. I don’t want zucchini or other stuff in my birthday cake. I want real, honest-to-goodness, cake.

Natalie’s teacher smiled. “You can bring cupcakes in.”

Phew.

I was worried because I keep hearing about all these schools that are banning cupcakes and cake. I think those schools are slightly evil. Who wants carrots on their birthday? Or apple slices? One cupcake won’t hurt anyone. Unless they’re allergic. Then it might.

Oh, and yes, Natalie got into PreK. I let out a sigh of relief when the teacher called and told me this. Before she was on a waiting list and they found her a spot in another school.
I’m not sure if Tommy’s school allows cupcakes.

I’ll find out tonight at his Open House.

So.

Does YOUR child’s school allow sweets?

Freaked.

“I don’t like the way it’s looking at me,” I told Tom.




“It’s a doll. It’s not watching you,” he answered.

I walked to the corner of the room. “It’s still watching me.” I went to the other corner of the room. “Still watching me. I’m traumatized.” I hid my face.

Tom rolled his eyes and lifted it from the box. “It’s a doll, Amber.”

I backed away as if it were possessed. What if it was possessed? It looked like it would be exactly the kind of doll that would be possessed.

“My grandma always gives a doll to the girl grandchildren,” Tom continued. “She collected these.”

I shuddered. I know people collect dolls. I remember watching a show awhile back about women who buy dolls that look like newborns and they treat them like children. Personally, those types of people belong in a VC Andrews novel but that’s just my opinion.

“Why are you climbing on the couch?” Tom asked. “And making a cross symbol with your fingers?”

“I swear it just winked at me.”

“The eyes don’t even shut!”

“Exactly.” I swallowed. “We should keep it in the closet. In the box. So….it doesn’t get broken.”

My real reason was so we wouldn’t get murdered in our sleep. I’m hoping it can’t jump. Tom would say that no, it can’t jump because it’s made of wax. But it’s been around awhile so it could be inhabited by a spirit. That can happen. I’ve seen shows on the SyFy channel where things like chairs and guns piss ghosts off and then they’re like, “I’m going to terrorize this family. Mwa-ha-ha!”

And plus, her hair looks red.

Red was the color of Chucky’s hair.

Remember Chucky? The satanic doll killer?

I’m sure it’s just a regular (freaky) doll.

Still, to be on the safe side, I covered the box with a blanket.

Just to, you know, suffocate it.

Just in case.

ooShirts Gift Certificate Winner

I did a post for ooShirts here and had a $25 gift card to their site up for grabs.

I used random.org to pick a winner and it chose number 28!

Number 28 is Spaghetti Westerner!


Congrats!

If you didn’t win, please try again in the future.

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

----------------------

To be happy that there is a Krispy Kreme near us. So many have closed.


To not care about Kim Kardashian’s wedding. One of her sisters compared it to the Royal Wedding. What?


To love candy stores as much as the kids.


To hope Natalie has fun at ballet today. It’s her first class. Let her not collapse on the floor and refuse to get up.


To walk into a room and forget why you went in there in the first place.


To want to enter more sweepstakes thanks to the new TLC show High Stakes Sweepers.


To have been trying to change my About Me section in my blog but I keep getting error messages. I’m trying to switch my kid’s ages (I have a 9 and 4 year old now) AND Tom is back from Korea. Come on, Blogger. WORK!


To be looking into getting Lasik. There’s a place nearby that does it. I’d like to not have to deal with glasses again.


To send Tommy to school with a regular bagged lunch. With items in plastic bags. I don't do the Bento thing.


To love the cinnamon crunch bagels at Panera Bread.

He Has Returned

“Daddy! When is my Daddy coming home?” Natalie kept asking.

“Soon. He’s driving nineteen hours,” I answered for what seemed like the millionth time.

Natalie was quiet for a few minutes. “When is my Daddy coming home?”

I knew she was eager to see him. After all, he had been in Korea for a year. Yes, he came home in June to move us from Wyoming to Oklahoma but then he had to go back. When he came back from Korea the second time he flew into Ohio to pick up his truck from his Mom. I don’t drive trucks, you see. I don’t feel comfortable driving such a big vehicle and plus, suppose I crashed it? Tom loves his truck. He’ll spend hours polishing it. Sometimes I think he loves his truck more than ME.

Really, it had been a long year.

I learned that Murphy’s Law does exist.

It seemed everything broke when Tom left.

The couch.

The chair.

The mower

My car.

The sink.

My sanity.


And then we had to move and I discovered I was a pack rat.

That’s a lie; I already knew I was a pack rat.

Still, it was not easy moving to a new place and having Tom leave a week later. I’m not good at talking to people. I’m shy. He’d ask if I spoke to the neighbors and I’d be like, “I said hello and that was it.” Tom can strike up a conversation with anyone. Me? Not so much. I end up saying ridiculous things. Like once I was talking to a girl and she said my perfume smelled nice. I said thanks, I got it from a magazine and she seemed taken aback. I think I scared her.

(But really, aren’t those perfume magazine samples to wear? Or are you meant to only sniff them and leave it at that?)

Anyway, Tom made it home safely and yes, he even fixed the mower that I thought was broken. (Remember I blogged about it here.) All he did was tilt it upward, pull the string thingy and it roared to life.

It must not like girls. Because I swear, I tried to get that thing working for over an hour. And then people were like, “Uh, you weren’t supposed to add the entire thing of oil,” and I was like, “Holy crap, I PUT the entire thing of oil in it,” and I was told, “You might have flooded it,” and I was like, “Is that bad? That sounds bad..”

But the mower is fine.

My sanity is getting back to normal.

And Natalie has her Daddy back.




So all is well.

Something Borrowed DVD Winner

I did a contest to win a Something Borrowed DVD here.

I used random.org to pick a number and it chose number 43!

Number 43 is Furry Bottoms!

Congrats!

If you didn’t win, it’s okay, I’ll have future giveaways.

I have one at the moment going on for a $25 gift certificate to ooShirts.


Furry Bottoms, enjoy the movie!

CampusBookRentals.Com Review

“Uh? Two hundred and fifty dollars for ONE book?” I turned the science textbook around in my palms. Surely if it were that expensive it had to do a special trick or something. Maybe it highlighted itself?

But no.

It didn’t do anything fancy.

That was just the amount that my college wanted to charge for one book.

I had to buy a total of four. The total cost? Around 800 bucks.

I wanted to cry when I slid my credit card over.

I wish there was a site like CampusBookRentals.com around when I was in college. I would have saved a ton.

CampusBookRentals.com is a site where you can RENT textbooks for a fraction of the cost. All you have to do is search for the book you need by the ISBN number and there it is. And yes, you CAN highlight!

Some other great features?

You can free shipping both ways! CampusBookRentals.com understands that life can get expensive for a college student. You can live customer support AND it has the largest book selection in the nation.

If you end up dropping the class that you rented a book for, no problem! Just return the book within 30 days and you can a full refund.

Another fantastic tidbit I learned about the site was that it has partnered with Operation Smile and is donating over 1,000 life changing cleft lip surgeries. So if you use the site, you’ll know that it does good things for people in need.

I actually plan on going back to college when Natalie goes to school full time and I will definitely keep in mind CampusBookRentals.com.

There is no way I’m ever paying over $200 for a book again.


(And YES, CampusBookRentals.com has a Facebook page here!)

Fourth Grade

I walked Tommy to school on his first day of fourth grade.

Mainly so he’d know exactly where to go. In Wyoming, he took a bus. Here, since the school is so close, he has to walk.

I think he was a little embarrassed to be seen with his mother. But I wanted to be sure he wouldn’t get lost and have a meltdown.

As most readers are aware, Tommy has Aspergers and if he’s frustrated, he tends to burst into tears. It didn’t matter when he was younger. But Fourth Grade is different. At this age, boys seem to rarely cry and mock the ones who do.

We got to the school easily and I offered to walk Tommy home from school but he shook his head.

“I want to do it.”

I took him to his classroom and was about to give him a hug goodbye but he ducked away.

“Bye,” he said pointedly. His code for “in school, don’t touch me.”

I won’t lie, I worry about him. School doesn’t come as naturally or as easily to Tommy as it does to other kids. He struggles with writing. He doesn’t always comprehend basic instructions. If the teacher talks too fast he gets lost.

As I said before, this is a brand new school. The one in Wyoming knew Tommy. He was there from Kindergarten until Third Grade. Teachers knew his quirks. His Kindergarten teacher would pass him in the hall and wink because she remembered all his meltdowns and was proud because he improved so much.

It’s a clean slate here.

Still.

You’ll never meet a more determined kid. Tommy wants to succeed. He wants to fit in.

“If I get confused,” he told me on the walk to school. “I’ll raise my hand. I won’t cry. Not anymore.”

I wish I could tell him that it’s okay if he cries. I feel like such an awful mother telling him to try his hardest not to cry. But I know how kids are.

Honestly, most of Tommy’s friends are girls because the boys take one look at his awkward walk, his stilted speech and immediately think, “Reject.” Girls seem to think of him like a wounded bird and happily will take him under their wing. I feel for Tommy because he sees boys walking together, laughing and joking, but he knows that he couldn’t keep up with the jokes, that if the laughing turned to his expense it might take him a few extra seconds to process it.

“If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call me. You can go down the office and tell them you need to—” I said as we walked.

“I’ll be okay. I’m going to do this,” Tommy vowed.

“If anyone is mean to you, tell a teacher. I don’t want—”

“I’ll be okay.”

I know there will be struggles throughout the year.

But I’ll take what Tommy told me to heart.

He’ll be okay.




Fourth Grade will be okay.

They're REAL Handcuffs

It got quiet.

I should have known there was an issue when it got quiet.

Quiet + kids=disaster.

Quiet + kids=mayhem

Quiet + kids=there goes your nice China/purse/television/couch/autographed Jonathan Brandis picture

It didn’t start off quiet. I told the kids I’d be cleaning the bathrooms and that they could play nicely—I stressed the word nicely—while I did so. Or, I suggested, they could help me scrub the toilets. Naturally, no one volunteered. So I went upstairs armed with Clorox and Windex and other products filled with chemicals because that Earth chemical-free stuff barely cleans a thing.

As I sprayed down the sink I could hear Tommy saying, “Natalie, I don’t want to play restaurant anymore. I want to draw.”

Natalie didn’t get the hint and tried to get Tommy to take her plate of plastic fruits again.

“Nat-a-lie,” Tommy groaned. “I said no. I have Autism and I understand when people don’t want to play. Why can’t you?”

I snickered at that one.

(But seriously, Natalie doesn’t comprehend that not everyone wants to play her games. She was downright insulted when I turned down her request to play Candy Land one day. It’s just, playing Candy Land with Natalie is frustrating. She forgets the rules within five minutes and starts throwing the cards in the air, moving her game piece all over the board while I’m sitting there wanting to say, “That’s not fair. You’re cheating!”)

It was when I finished the bathrooms when I realized it was silent.

“Guys?” I called out nervously.

What if they took off down the street? Natalie did that once and said she wanted to “explore.” She blamed it on Diego. “Diego told me to explore. So I did.”

“Guys?” I tried again.

What if Natalie had an accident and was smearing feces all over body?

I sniffed the air. Phew. No feces.

Still. What was going on?

I came down into the living room. Natalie was on the couch with Tommy at her feet.

“Are you playing Queen?” I asked. Natalie likes to pretend she’s on the throne and she has Tommy kiss her feet. And be her horse. And…well, be her servant. Not surprisingly, this is not Tommy’s favorite game.

Tommy jumped up as though he touched fire. “I didn’t do it!” he yelled. He brushed past me and thundered up the stairs.

Uh oh. That wasn’t a good sign.

Feces?

“Natalie?” I said, setting down my cleaning supplies. “What—”

And that’s when I saw it.




The handcuffs.




Around her leg.

“I can’t get these things off,” Natalie sniffled. She tugged on them. “It’s stuck. And it’s hurting me.”

They were Tom’s old handcuffs. Not a sexual toy, I want to stress. (No, really, ours are fuzzy.) (Kidding.) (Or AM I?)

“It’s okay,” I said even though I wanted to scream, “HELP! HELP!” followed by a string of swear words.

“It’s okay,” I repeated, my voice shaky. I sat down on the couch and pulled Natalie’s cuffed leg on my lap. I peered closer at the handcuffs. Surely there had to be a secret latch on them. There’s always a latch in the movies.

I poked various items in the keyhole to no avail.

I contemplated sawing off the handcuffs but worried I’d also saw off my daughter’s leg.

Plus, we don’t even have a saw.

I texted Tom, who, as my Twitter followers know, is back from Korea. His Mom took care of his truck while he was gone so he was collecting that in Ohio before he came home.

I asked Tom where the secret latch was.

His answer?

“There is no latch. Those are real handcuffs.”

“I know they’re handcuffs, smart ass,” I replied.

No, I didn’t. I wanted to. But that would have been mean. He was in Korea for a year for God’s sake. I’ll be nice for a month. Two, if he puts the toilet seat down.

ME (via text): So there is no way I can open the handcuffs?

TOM: You need a key.

ME: Where is that?

TOM: In my stuff.

ME: Where is that?

TOM: Coming in a box from Korea.

ME: HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP ME NOW?

TOM: Don’t know what to tell you.

I mean, he didn’t even seem concerned that his baby girl was TRAPPED in handcuffs. He was just like, “I’m going to enjoy my last few days of kid-free time. Lalala.”

He did suggest asking for help. Or going through his military gear that he kept in the garage just in case a key turned up there.

I decided to do that. I really didn’t want to ask for help because, well, what if when Tom started work people are like, “Oh, you’re the Dad of the kid who was stuck in handcuffs. Har, har, har,” and then Tom would forever be known as Handcuff Dad.

I went to the garage to search through Tom’s gear and the second I unzipped the bag, I was hit by the scent of sweat and boy. Gross. Tom really needs to clean his stuff. Or spray the hell out of it with Febreeze. I dug through everything to no avail.

No key.

I had to ask for help.

Or…

“Natalie, can you be a team player and leave the handcuffs on until Daddy gets home?”

Natalie scowled at me. “No!” She walked around and the handcuffs made clanking noises against the floor. (I sort of wanted to yell “Dead Man Walking!” but that would have been inappropriate.)

She was right though. She couldn’t keep them on. Plus, I had to go to Wal-Mart the next day. Granted, I imagine kids have shown up in handcuffs there before. I mean, it’s Wal-Mart.

But then I had to go to Tommy’s Meet and Greet at his school where he’d meet his new teacher. What sort of impression would I make if I brought my daughter who had a handcuff stuck around her leg?

I knew of a guy who was a cop who lived right across the way. So I scooped Natalie up and walked over. I knocked on the door and when the guy answered, I lifted up Natalie.

“We have a problem. I tried to find the secret latch, hahaha…”

He blinked at me as I dangled my kid in front of him.

“The handcuffs are the real thing. There is no latch,” he slowly said as if addressing Gary Busey.

Luckily, he had a key and three seconds later Natalie was free.

“I can breathe again!” Natalie marveled which confirmed my belief that she needs to get back to school. Stat.

Doesn’t Natalie look thrilled to be free?




Well, maybe not.

She was miffed that I made her put a dress on when we walked over to the guy’s house. She would have preferred to go in her Curious George underwear.

All I have to say is, that better be the last pair of handcuffs she’s ever in.

ooShirts Review and Giveaway!

I love t-shirts.

They are so unbelievably comfortable and easy to toss on.

So I was thrilled when a woman who worked for ooShirts.com asked if I wanted to try them out.

ooShirts is a custom t-shirt company. (Read how they came to be here.) You can design anything your heart desires on t-shirts. And bonus, it’s easy to do! All you do is click Start Your Design and you’re on your way.

You can make t-shirts for kids, for adults…for your company, for yourself (perhaps a favorite quote?), or, if you’re me, create a shirt promoting your blog.

I loved how the colors came out rich and vibrant.






And if t-shirts aren’t your thing? They have sweatshirts and sweatpants, too!

If you’re at a loss about the design you want, don’t worry, someone will help you. There are design tips and t-shirt templates available to give you ideas.

ooShirts is being extra generous because they’ve also given me a $25 gift certificate to give away to one lucky reader!

I know I love my shirt. I’ve already worn it out and some people have promised that they’ll check out my blog. (Hi Deborah from the shoppette!) (Unless you were just being polite and have no desire to check out my blog. You seemed a little worried over my blog title.)

Anyway.

I’ll run the contest for a week and will pick a winner on August 17th!



Contest Rules

--Must be 18 or older

--Must live in the US (can have an APO AE address…I know what it’s like to be overseas)


Mandatory Entry: What kind of shirt would you design if you won the $25 gift certificate?


Good luck!

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

----------------------

To want to put the Duggars on the set of Footlose. Since they don’t dance. Apparently it brings out the Devil. Or something.



To want to go on the new show Take The Money And Run. My best friend Jennifer and I would rock at it. Granted, I’d cry a lot being interrogated but I don’t think I’d break down. Unless I’m deprived of Diet Coke.



To like the show I rented from Netflix called Downton Abbey. I highly recommend it.



To hate those getting to know you games. I don’t WANT to go around the room and name a silly fact about myself, thanks.



To be listing Natalie’s fall/winter clothes from last year on eBay soon. I believe it’s mainly 2T and 3T items with some others mixed in. I’ll share the link when they’re up!



To like Roseanne’s reality show Roseanne’s Nuts. I really loved her sitcom. She’s basically the kind of mother I am. Maybe I’m not AS lax but I’m pretty close.




To be happy it rained some on Sunday. Oklahoma needed it. And it meant I didn’t have to go out and water.



To not think it was a big deal that Nicki Minaj’s boob was accidentally shown during a live concert. There are worse things to be seen. Like vaginas. Apparently a parents group is complaining. I sort of want to throw non-organic fruit at them.



To want to go to the pawn shop on Pawn Stars. Rick says in the beginning that everything is for sale. How much for Chumlee?



To be hosting a giveaway for the Something Borrowed DVD. I really want to see the movie!

I Couldn't Go To BlogHer. So I Did This.

So there was this thing called BlogHer over the weekend.

BlogHer, if you aren’t aware, is this awesome conference for bloggers. I heard ELMO was there, people. ELMO.

And a McDonalds booth. You guys know how much I love McDonalds.

I hope to be able to attend one day.

Although I couldn’t make it to BlogHer, I did manage to fill my days.

How, you might ask?

Well.

For starters, I was busy cleaning up an exploded hot dog in my microwave.




Note to self. And to any other people who try to microwave hot dogs. Don’t do it for more than 30 seconds.

Or you’ll hear this loud popping sound and the hot dog will explode.

IN YOUR BRAND NEW MICROWAVE!

While I was cleaning that, Natalie decided to bring down half the contents of her room. And mine:




I though, well, fine, at least I have the show Big Brother to look forward to.



Only it was ANNOYING because Rachel kept crying every two seconds. I imagine, like me, the rest of the houseguests wanted to toss her over the fence. (And I sort of want to throw Lawon over the fence with her because, what does he DO?!)

To cheer myself up from the red-haired crazy, I decided to make s’mores in the microwave. They aren’t as tasty as s’mores made from a fire, but I’ll take what I can.

This is what happened:




That would be residue from a marshmallow. It slipped off the plate and splattered on my kitchen mat.

I decided to let it dry so it would be easier to remove. But I forgot it was there and when I was putting dishes away, I stepped in it.

Do you know how gross melted marshmallow feels on the bottom of your foot?

All you ladies who made it to BlogHer, I envy you.

I hope you drank a lot of alcohol for me.

And didn’t have to deal with sticky feet.

-------------------------

Now onto a more serious matter.

I’m always eager to help a fellow military spouse. So when Lura contacted me asking if I could please post a link to her blog, I said absolutely.

She wanted me to share her blog for completely selfless reasons. See, she and her husband are trying to adopt two boys from Eastern Europe. If you could donate anything it would be helpful seeing as the adoption will cost between $24,000-$26,000. And we all know military members are paid terribly so that amount can be a stretch.

If there is anything you can do to help, or to find out more information about the adoption, please check out Lura’s blog here.

Even if you can only spare $1, every little bit adds up.

Something Borrowed DVD Giveaway! **CLOSED

**CLOSED--winner posted here. Thank you!**






John Krasinski!

Ahem.

Sorry.

It’s just, John Krasinski is in the new movie Something Borrowed that will soon be out on DVD. And I like looking at John Krasinski so this excites me. (He plays Jim in The Office in case you have no idea who I’m talking about.)

It also excites me because I get to host a giveaway where one lucky reader will win a DVD of Something Borrowed.

Yes.

I’m jealous.

Something Borrowed, if you didn’t know, is based on a book with the same name by Emily Giffin. (She’s a fabulous writer. I’ve read all her books.)

It’s about a woman named Rachel (played by the beautiful Ginnifer Goodwin) who sleeps with her best friend Darcy’s (Kate Hudson) fiancé. Oops. Don’t be appalled though! Rachel sleeps with Darcy’s fiancé Dex (Colin Egglesfield) not to be malicious, but because she is the best one for him. John Krasinski plays Rachel’s friend. (Eye candy!)

Obviously chaos and hilarity ensues.

Want to learn more about Something Borrowed? Check out this widget!

There’s an Okay Or Not quiz you can take, the Something Borrowed trailer, and information about Emily Giffin live interactive interview. You can also learn more about that here.



Giveaway Rules

--Must be 18 or older

--Must live in the US

--Have your e-mail address linked up to your blog. If it’s not, leave it in your comment so I can contact you if you win.



Mandatory Entry: Please tell me what your Do’s and Don’ts are when you are in a relationship. For instance, would YOU sleep with your best friend’s fiancé?



Extra Entries:

Follow Me on Twitter

Follow My Blog


Please make each entry separate!

Contest will run for 1 week. I will pick a winner August 14th.

Good luck!

(John Krasinski!)

What Is This?

Help.




This is a plant in my front yard garden.

No, I did not plant it.

Base housing did. And they expect me to keep everything in said garden alive.

I’m not sure if I should cut it, water it, or sell it.

I’m kidding on the last part. I’m not in an episode of Weeds.

But what is it?

I’m worried if I pull it out that housing will pound on my door demanding to know why I got rid of the rare Baquish plant.

(There’s no such thing as a Baquish plant. I made it up.)

(Then again, there COULD be a Baquish plant. I don’t garden so I wouldn’t know.)

Anyway.

Odds are, housing wouldn’t plant anything expensive so it can’t be rare.

And it looks like a weed.

So, should I pull it up?

Or prune it?

(Isn’t that a funny word? Prune. It’s not just something you eat. It’s something you DO. Haha...okay, maybe I’m just amused with the word.)

(I’ve been drinking too much sweet tea.)

Inside Natalie's Closet

So it's no secret that I love buying clothes for my kids.

Occasionally I’ll post an entry with their latest outfits.

I’m slowly starting to try on Natalie’s fall/winter wardrobe. Yes, she already has a bunch. I like to plan ahead.

This outfit is from Gap’s Deauville line:




I’m a sucker for polka dots.


Natalie...well, maybe she’s not as thrilled with them:




Then she was like, “I’ll pose, you take pictures!”









She belongs on Next Top Model or something.

Although Jay would be like, “You look scrunched up. Relax your face!”







And then Natalie wanted to do an impression of a Kardashian sister:






(Flashback! This was taken when Natalie was two…)

Tumbling Trance

She couldn’t wait to get to her first Tumbling class.

She put on her leotard hours before we even had to leave.

When it was finally time to go, she sang a song about Tumbling in the backseat. (“I love to tumble. I love to jump. I love cheese!”) (Yeah, the last bit was weird to me, too.)

(Although cheese is delicious.)

We got there early and she stared at the room she’d be in. All the various equipment and oh—the trampolines!

Then it was time to begin. She didn’t even bother giving me a hug, she just raced over to her brand new teacher.

“Have fun,” I called out.

I thought Natalie would have a blast. But I watched as she’d stare off into space when the teacher was telling them things.

She did great on the balance beam—well, the first half. Then she stared off into space again and oops, she fell to the ground.

So okay, she’s a daydreamer. Nothing wrong with that. I’m a daydreamer. I constantly go off into a trance and think about random things. (Such as, should I stop and get a slurpee at 711?....I shouldn’t feel bad about not cooking meat all the way, the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen do it at all the time and they’re supposed to be professionals...who ate all the Oatmeal Cream Pies?...oh, that was me…)

Natalie’s teacher was explaining how to spread your arms and legs while jumping on the trampoline.

Natalie did this once, and then went off into a trance.

I wanted to remind her to focus. But I was on the other side of the window and she wouldn’t be able to hear me.

Still, she seemed to enjoy her first Tumbling class. True, she might not have been as focused as the other kids—but she’s four, she has the attention span of a gnat.

Of course, all the other kids in her class are four too….

When it was all over, Natalie came over to me with a smile.

“Did you like that?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Why weren’t you paying attention though?” I wondered.

Natalie tugged my arm so I’d get down to her level. She cupped a hand around her mouth and leaned against my ear.

“Because,” she whispered, “I was trying to find a way to tell the teacher I needed to pee.”

Oh....

CoverMates Winner!

I did a giveaway for CoverMates last week.

I used random.org to pick a number and....

...it picked number 8 which was Laurie Parrack over at Lala’s Dumping Ground!

Congrats, Laurie!

As always, if you didn’t win, try again.

I’ll be doing many giveaways in the future!

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday!

I got this idea from Glamour magazine. They have a section called Hey, It’s Okay and will list a bunch of things to be okay about. You're welcome to join in and do something like this on your diary. Doesn't have to be on a Tuesday either.

----------------------

To think it’s funny how people find it appalling that I’ve changed my kids on a bathroom floor. On a changing mat. Sometimes the line for the changing table is long and you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.



To be sad that so many post offices are slated to close. I hope they don’t close the one on base. That would stink.



To have discovered I like FRESH guacamole. Not the stuff already made in a container. But FRESH. I went to One The Border and they made fresh guacamole in front of the table and it was amazing. I want more.



To not like online abbreviations. A lot of people use DS or DD for Dear Son and Dear Daughter online. I type out son and daughter. Much easier.



To always check the site retailmenot.com before I buy online. They have tons of coupon codes there.



To want to try the new lemonade Wendys is serving. I love lemonade but I’m too lazy to make it myself.



To like my first real adult cereal. Special K with Red Berries. I still love Lucky Charms though. But that Kashi crap is still years away for going in my bowl.



To be thankful for all the helpful notes I received in the previous entry on how to do a bun.



To hope Natalie makes it into PreK. She was on a waiting list and I find out today if she’s in or not. Please. For the love of chocolate, please. Momma needs a few hours of quiet.



To be looking forward to the new American Pie movie. And no, it’s not a straight to DVD one. It’s called American Reunion and it’s about the high school 10 year reunion. All the original characters are back. (Stifler!)

Wanted: Bun Lady

I have a secret.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit it.

Okay. Here it goes.




I can’t do little girl hair.

There.

I said it.

Hell, I can barely do my own hair.

So when I came across this:




I panicked.

I signed Natalie up for ballet and didn’t think about the fact that I’d PROBABLY HAVE TO PUT HER HAIR INTO A BUN.

I don’t know how to do buns.

She usually leaves her hair down or I put it in two braids or pigtails. And let me tell you, when I do this, they are never perfectly center. One braid is usually higher than the other. One pigtail is usually way down low while the other is on top of her head.

Basically, I suck.

I checked Google and there was a site that explained how to do a bun. I tried it on Natalie. But…but…I did something wrong. Somehow I made a big knot in the back of her head that took me ten minutes to brush out.

“You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?” Natalie said matter-of-factly as I struggled to make her hair normal again.

Nope.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I can only hope there is a Bun Lady at ballet. Someone who will happily do buns for the hair challenged mother. Hopefully for free. Or, if she insists on something, I can pay her in chocolate.

You put my daughter’s hair up, I give you a Twix.