Into the Tornado Shelter

“Who farted? Come on guys, this is an enclosed space!” I yelled, pinching my nose.

“It wasn’t me!” Natalie piped up, covering her own nose.

“It was me,” Tommy admitted, reminding me of Jim Carrey in the movie Liar, Liar as he got off an elevator.

“Why son?” I asked. “Why?” It smelled like the cheese that smells like dirty diapers.

“I couldn’t hold it,” Tommy shrugged.

“Next time, do,” I ordered.

We were in the tornado shelter due to the base sirens going off on Sunday evening. Tornadoes seemed to be forming left and right. I do not like going into the shelter. Bugs live in the shelter. It gets hot in the shelter. PEOPLE FART IN THE SHELTER.

For most of the day, gigantic clouds were forming and Tommy was outside taking photos of them:



“Isn’t this amazing?” he kept saying, because he’s obsessed with weather. “Aren’t the cumulonimbus clouds great?”

“So long as they don’t get dangerous,” I answered.

Then things started to get dangerous.

The base sirens started to go off.

“We need to get into the shelter,” I said, trying to keep calm. I didn’t want to panic the children.

“My dolls! My dresses!” Natalie yelped, running for her room.

“We need to get into the shelter!” I insisted.

“MY DOLLS! MY DRESSES!”

“Natalie, pick one thing. They’ll be fine,” I said. They’d be fine, right? We wouldn’t get hit by a tornado. Right? RIGHT? I longed for my husband. Why did he have to be deployed during tornado season? Oklahoma can get insane during tornado season. He was usually the one who calmed me down. When he wasn’t outside, trying to SPOT the tornado, that is. While we’d be hunkered down in the shelter, he’d be outside and I’d be screaming, “Get in, get in, did you not see the movie Twister WHEN THE DAD GOT SWEPT AWAY?”

Natalie returned with three toys—her Rapunzel, her pony, and the camel her daddy sent her. “They were all scared,” she told me solemnly. “I couldn’t pick one.”

Then we went in the shelter and waited.



Someone farted.

I felt like I wanted to faint.

Sirens went off.

We got to come out. My heart went out to the people of Shawnee who were hit hard.

I hoped that was it for awhile.

No.

Fast forward to Monday. New storms were being reported. I got a phone call from the school saying we could pick up the kids early. I opted to do so to be on the safe side.

And then?

Chaos.

Reports of a tornado forming started and the base alarms went off. We hunkered back into the shelter. Yes, Natalie had to bring toys again. No, Tommy didn’t fart. We stayed there for an hour, because it was thought the tornado was coming right for us. I did not panic. If I panicked, the kids would panic. I could not do that to them. So instead I thought good thoughts. I wished my husband were with us.

Then the alarms turned off.

I found out about the devastation in Moore. Houses were destroyed. Schools were destroyed. People were killed. CHILDREN were killed. This got me the worst.

So please, keep the families in your thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that we’re done with crazy tornadoes but seeing as this is Oklahoma, it’s unlikely…

Hey, It's Okay Tuesday

Before I posted Hey, It’s Okay Tuesday, I wanted to send my thoughts and prayers out to those in Shawnee and Moore who were hit by a devastating tornado. Sometimes when things like this happens it's hard to be okay with anything, but I am proud of everyone here, who stepped in to help without hesitation. Many soldiers went from work to the debris field to help search for survivors.

I also wanted to thank everyone who checked in on us to make sure we were okay. The tornado hit about 20 minutes from where we live and did NOT come onto the base as predicted. I am so incredibly grateful for that but again, my heart goes out to those in Shawnee and Moore. If you would like to help the tornado victims text REDCROSS to 90999 or go to redcross.org

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To not be ready for the last day of school—which is TODAY. No husband. He’s deployed. My chocolate drawer is well stocked.


To have thought the boneless chicken at KFC was slimy and gross. You know the commercial where they shout “You ate the bones?!” Well, I decided to try it and yuck, never again.


To hate how shows are ending for the season. I will try to watch some summer shows though.


To have been let down while watching the Grey’s Anatomy finale. I thought it would be better.


To have loved the very last episode of The Office. I cried.


To think it’s cool that Tommy got a superlative in the yearbook. Not everyone does. I never did.




Yeah, he’s quiet at school.

My Six Year Old Spelled The Word Clock Wrong...

It’s been a penis couple of days in my house.

No, that’s not a typo.

Remember how I wrote about Tommy watching the puberty video at school?

Well, on the same day, Natalie had a spelling test.

She spelled the word clock wrong.




I burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Natalie asked.

I swallowed. I couldn’t tell her. “It’s…um….it’s just a beautiful day!” I fibbed. "And that makes me happy!"

Natalie laughed along, none the wiser. “Yeah, that makes me happy too!”

“That’s a bad word. It means penis,” Tommy cut in, staring at the paper.

Oh for—

“Tommy, what do you mean, it’s a feathered bird,” I said, shooting him a Look.

He didn’t catch it. “No, it’s another word for penis. A boy in my class said it and had to sit out in the hall.”

“It means PENIS?” Natalie shrieked. She tossed her head back and cracked up. “Cock, cock, cock!”

“Stop it!” I hissed, shutting the front door. I hoped no one was walking past. Our screen was open. People jog by often. I didn’t want to be known as the penis house.

“Cock, cock, cock!” Natalie continued.

“Cock-a-doodle-do said the rooster,” I insisted. “That’s right, sweetheart!”

“Cock means penis,” Natalie snickered.

We were set to leave for the school carnival. I did not want her sharing this information to her friends. Can you IMAGINE the looks the parents would give me? What are you allowing your children to watch? Well, Family Guy, sometimes, if I'm being completely honest. But they've never repeated a naughty word from the show. I swear!

“Cock means penis,” I pictured Natalie whispering to her friends. And then the word would spread and the principal would have to come over the loudspeaker and go, “Could everyone refrain from using a particular word that rhymes with dock? It is not appropriate in a school setting. Or anywhere.”

Anyway, I’m keeping the spelling test in Natalie’s school book that I have yet to fill out. (I should start on that before I start forgetting teacher names and such…)

Because kid typos are hilarious.